


Stupid Rules

by Athena13



Series: The Risk [2]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M, Not Really Their First Kiss, Pre-Slash, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-21
Updated: 2013-09-21
Packaged: 2017-12-27 06:19:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/975452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athena13/pseuds/Athena13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to "The Risk." Mikey's response to Brian's decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stupid Rules

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2003 with inspiration from the B/M Yahoo! Group. Part 2 after "The Risk", followed by "Ramparts".

For once in my life I didn't want to know what was wrong with Brian, why he was waiting for me in my bedroom when I got home from the store. I was sad and tired. I didn't have it in my to provide comfort to anyone. Not even him.

Ben was wrong, it was already too late. The lie didn't change that.

It happened so damn fast. Too fast. Almost as fast as the connection between me and Brian had begun. My heart didn't give a damn that he was positive, that it would have to endure the sickness and loss of what it coveted and craved. It still wanted. Just as it wanted what it knew it might never have.

"Mikey." Brian's voice broke through the ramble in my head. Maybe the role of caretaker would be a relief tonight?

"What's wrong?" I asked again, this time meaning it. I sat down on the bed next to him and put my hand on his shoulder. Creating the connection that always made it easier for us to confide. The look in his eyes jarred me. I couldn't stop the gasp of acknowledgment. As many times as I had seen it, I always pretended, for both of our sakes, I hadn't.

I suddenly became hyper conscious of the heat coming off his body in waves. Even through his T-shirt my fingers tingled with it.

"Bri..." My voice cracked. I cleared my throat, giving him the opportunity to pull back. To pretend.

_Not now, not now, not now._

He crossed his right arm over his chest and laid his hand over mine. His gaze didn't waver. All I could hear was my heart and his breath sounds.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't look away. I was fascinated. Terrified.

"I never admitted the truth," he finally spoke.

_About what?_

"About what?" I asked. Hoping it was about anything but what I feared. About never coming out to his mother. About stealing the biology test papers in tenth grade because I thought I had failed. About...

"What you mean to me. What you've always meant to me," he whispered.

"Come on, Bri, I already know." I snatched my hand from his grasp and attempted a laugh. I had to stop him. As much as I wanted Brian, and I could admit that at least to myself, he need Justin. And I needed...I stood up and physically distanced myself.

It wasn't the time. This wasn't our time. Didn't he see that?

Then I realized, he did. He did see that. My body suddenly filled with rage.

"I'm not, this, I wasn't." He tried to regain his resolve. His courage, or cowardice, depending on how you looked at it.

" _What_ do you want? To move another chip in the Mikey game? Is this pulling me closer to push me away or pushing me away to pull me closer? It's so hard to tell the difference." I sneered. Cruelty we could survive.

He remained silent, floundering, not hiding it well.

"This isn't about stopping me from going back to Ben?" I motioned towards the book. "Like you did about David? Or is this about goodbye?" My hands closed into fists.

"I know I deserve..."

"Fuck you, Brian Kinney!" I exploded, not even caring if Emmett had come home and was hearing every word. It felt good. As good as it felt to tell my mother to back off. "You don't know what the fuck you deserve."

Brian flinched, then his expression softened as if amused, impressed even. Or at least pretending to feel that way. He knew advertising and me. I knew comics and Brian Kinney.

I bent down and put my face in his. He started it, I was going to finish it. Once we were centimeters apart I spoke.

"Don't you dare say you love me until you believe you deserve my love back. Don't you dare hide behind it to say a anticipatory goodbye to me."

Then I kissed him. Hard. On the lips. Fuck his stupid rules.

THE END


End file.
